In a popular TikTok video, family therapist Kati Morton explained something called "eldest daughter syndrome." This is when the oldest daughter in a family takes on a lot of responsibility, like planning vacations or caring for parents and grandparents. Kati listed eight signs of this syndrome, including feeling responsible for others, overachieving, struggling with anxiety, trying to please everyone, feeling guilty, having trouble with relationships, and sometimes feeling resentful towards siblings and parents.

Eldest daughter syndrome is not an official medical diagnosis, says Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied psychology at Northeastern University. She pointed out that birth order and gender don’t necessarily dictate a person’s traits or role within the family. However, Kramer, who researches sibling dynamics, explained that many eldest daughters often take on significant responsibilities, sometimes without recognition, because of societal expectations.

According to Laurie Kramer, Eldest daughter syndrome feels real, and for good reason. She said, "When I think of it, I picture families where certain individuals are unintentionally burdened with responsibilities. This is a widespread issue, but we haven't truly acknowledged the emotional or physical cost. When the eldest daughter takes on a lot of caregiving for siblings or parents, it comes with a price."

Kramer shared that research shows first-born or older girls are frequently asked to take on caregiving roles for their younger siblings, sometimes as young as 5 years old. This creates a family dynamic where these girls become accustomed to taking on more responsibility and developing a strong awareness of others' needs.

As they grow older, this responsibility often continues, with eldest daughters being expected to care for ageing parents. This can create tension, not just between parents and children, but also among siblings. For many eldest daughters, this dynamic can influence their personality and affect their relationships outside of the family.

Kramer pointed out that eldest sons also take on more responsibility in the family, but they are often expected to handle financial tasks rather than housework or caregiving. Financial roles tend to get more recognition, while tasks like caregiving are often overlooked.

"For example, in family businesses, the eldest son is usually expected to take over," Kramer explained. "Meanwhile, eldest daughters are often expected to provide emotional support and bring the family together. Unfortunately, their contributions aren’t always valued and can go unnoticed."

However, this dynamic between an older sister and her siblings or parents isn’t always the same in every family. Kramer explained that other factors also influence family roles. These factors include the age gap between siblings, how well they get along, how they treat each other, and whether any family member has a medical condition that needs extra attention.

Kramer says that family dynamics shouldn’t be seen as fixed or predetermined, like a horoscope. “Families are unique, and parents are often aware of the impact their choices have when assigning roles to their children,” she explained. “What truly matters is recognizing the individual roles siblings play in the family, and understanding that birth order alone shouldn’t define those roles.”

This awareness can help parents avoid placing too much responsibility on their eldest daughter. Kramer suggested creating a balanced environment where kids feel safe speaking up if something feels unfair.
“We’re not stuck in these roles for life,” Kramer said. “We have the power to make choices, and that’s why I don’t focus on birth order or gender. Parents can choose how they raise their kids, every day.”